Sometimes my creativity is in overdrive, which sends my enthusiasm into equal overdrive and I just can't seem to get things done fast enough. And there are days when all the different pieces of my life just seem to be crashing into each other. And try as I might to keep them all sectioned off and neat and tidy...they bleed right into each other.
So whether I am thinking about my children and their well-being or troubled by deadlines, commitments, finances or workload, it all just becomes a big, blurred vision of my life like a big messy ball of discarded painters tape. And like that big blue sticky ball, there is always a piece stuck to my hand or foot or left on the wall for me to see it months later.
It is truthfully, on those days, I have learned to simply surrender and take what comes in the next moment. When I feel the crush of overwhelm, I back off of it all. Whatever happens, happens. I am acutely aware of my limitations, life's limitations and other's limitations. That's enough to slow me down.
Most days, I live with a sense of urgency and sometimes I seem to fill every moment of my life with a task. I know that comes from having big dreams and goals and literally feeling like I might run out of time before I see them actualized. The skinny of it is, we just don't know how much time we have so doing nothing (which is exactly what I sometimes need to do) feels like I'm slacking.
And then there is the 'enjoy the journey' aspect of my mountain climbing. I can admit that I really do enjoy the journey most days but I can lose sight of the enormous gift of that journey when my eyes are peeled on the finish line.
I did learn the hard way a decade ago that not listening to myself was a recipe for physical, emotional and mental disaster. A public Grand mal will do that to you. Since then, when I get that old familiar 'can't slow down' feeling, I am reminded never to go to that place again.
So how does that look for me now...from a bird's eye view it probably looks like avoidance but I know different. I know that when all those pieces are jumbling up, it's time for something to give. So I just stop, find something over the top enjoyable to do and forget about the pressure, expectations and impossible schedule for awhile. It always bring me back...and when I get back, something inevitably has indeed given. Time has a healing affect on everything; including adding much needed perspective.
Today is one of those days...and it feels good to talk about it.